The neighborhood handbook

For those who may not be familiar with our not-so-quaint, trendy neighborhood in Brooklyn (Williamsburg), it’s always under scrutiny for extreme gentrification.

And while yes, this neighborhood might be too cool for Nick and I and yes, we do contribute to gentrification (by living in a new-ish building with high rent), I happen to be opposed to the commercial side of gentrification taking place.

Ok, I’ll stop saying gentrification.

Our neighbor has a ton of history, beginning as an industrial area and shifting to crime-ladden and scary. The Hasidic Jewish population saw potential, developed it and it turned into a residential area. Artists started moving because of cheap rent and close proximity to Manhattan and then more and more people came as the neighborhood was cleaned up.

So like many NYC neighborhoods before, Williamsburg was on the cutting edge and known for its art and alternative culture scene.

Now, big businesses want a piece of the pie and are pushing out the small businesses. Coming soon are Whole Foods, a Chelsea market look-a-like, Urban Outfitters and Jcrew among many others.

Thanks for your patience…here’s where humor strikes.

Brokelyn recently published a hilarious blog post for the new Williamsburg Jcrew employee handbook. I think it provides a little peek into the neighborhood.

My favorite quotes are:

• We believe customers will choose us over our competitors’ vintage alternatives for one indisputable reason: Bedbugs. If our guests are still not happy, please direct them to the Hollister store that will be opening next door in March.
• BREAKS: Every employee is allowed one 3.5 hour break for brunch per shift.
• DRESS CODE: Earbuds (white), Sang froid, Skee-Ball elbow, Picklesmocks, DIY chenille, Reclaimed vinyl from Donovan’s Sunshine Superman album, Steamshmere tunics, J Crew wear from any time prior to 1991, Pork shoulder pads
• A NOTE ON PANTS: Due to the popularity of a nearby competing apparel business, we have retired the word “pants.” Please refer to all leg coverings using the term “slim slacks” or “pre-jorts.”
• COLOR GUIDE:  Brown →Tobacco, Beige → Discovered in the refrigerator eggshell, Grey→ Smoke, White→ Light Black, Black→ Vintage Black, Everything else→ Not available

Enjoy, l hope it provides a laugh.